Loving You. Loving Me (Part 2) By Cesnabmihilo Dorothy Nuhu-Aken’OvaINCRESE
Where is the place of sex in a relationship?
It is normal and natural for young people to have sexual feelings. This is caused by the hormonal changes that occur at puberty.
These feelings start in some earlier than in others. These feelings are natural. They are in fact good. They come to prepare us for for adulthood when we are physically and psychologically matured and socially and financially ready to commence sexual activity and reproduction.
While sexual feelings are good, some young people fall into error by assuming that since they have sexual feelings, it is compulsory to act on the feelings. This assumption is very widely spread and believed to the extent that many young people are even made to believe that they must have sexual intercourse in their relationships.
The lack of timely accurate and comprehensive sexuality education gives room for all manner of misleading myths and rumours concerning sexual intercourse.
The other misleading belief is that sexual intercourse is a proof of love in a relationship. Young people are repeatedly told “if you love me, show me” implying, “have sex with me”. Terminologies such as love making, fun, on their own depict pleasure without the responsibility component. This can be misleading too.
My task today is to cause those caught up in sexual relationships for the wrong reasons to disentangle themselves and walk away.
It is possible to be in a loving and satisfying relationship without sex at all.
Love is NOT synonymous to sex. That we love someone does not mean that we must have sex with the person. And the fact that someone has said he or she loves us does not automatically entitle them to have sexual intercourse with us.
I have been attending to a number of counselling cases that leave me with the conclusion that many are under pressure to have sex to prove that they are in a relationship or show their partner that they love them. Love and sex are two very different things.
Love is the same experience we have in all our relationships. This is accompanied by a good feeling, affection, care, support, and mutual respect: parent/child, siblings, friendships, colleagues, Boss/employee, teacher/student, husband/wife, “lovers”, etc, are contexts in which we give and show love.
Some may ask the place of sex in a marriage. But I make bold to say that even in marriage, sex does not mean love.
Couples who are in love show each other love in many ways. This includes, spending time together, exchanging gifts, supporting each other, inspiring each other, watching out for each other, etc.
Even though, in the life of couples, sexual intercourse is the ways they share their love, there are times that they are unable to have sex. Sometimes, this can be temporary due to due to assignments, busy schedules, depression, disease, travel, etc.. But sometimes it can be permanent… like in the case of a spinal cord injury, complications as a result of diabetes, or medication for high blood pressure. They will be living with each other still, but, no sex.
If the pillar of their relationship were to be sexual intercourse, then they would be packing it up in such situations.
The good news for all is that there are several healthy ways of showing love to the people we love without having sex with them as listed above.
Love/Sexual intercourse: We must give them each their place in our relationships.
Love is an all.time and all context essential. Sex is not.
Love is not sex or about sex. And sex is not love. We can have sex with people we do not love. In fact, a lot of sex happens among people who do not love each other, and sometimes, these people do not know each other and have no plans to do so.
This is why sex must be given its place. Not the place of love.
Love is in the heart. Sex is in the body. It is a physical experience.
Do not feel pressurised to have sexual intercourse to prove your love.
I love you all and sex is definitely out it!