Loving Me, Loving You (Part 4) By Cesnabmihilo Dorothy Nuhu-Aken’Ova

Loving Me, Loving You (Part 4) By Cesnabmihilo Dorothy Nuhu-Aken’Ova

Do you need upgrading?

If you are a woman, and your obsession is your “man”, then you need an upgrade.

If all that motivates you in lfe is your partner (lover, boy friend, husband…), then you need upgrading.

If your discussions centre around a man, your man, then you have failed the “Bechdel Test”, (The Bechdel Test is a measure of the representation of women in fiction. It asks whether a work features at least two women who talk to each other about something OTHER THAN A MAN), and you need upgrading.

This is because anyone who loves obsessively loses her autonomy and all that defines and makes her an individual. It is this same obsession that cause many women to chase after marriage when there are thousands of other things they could do with their time.This obsession is what makes you feel as if your oxygen is seizing when your partner is angry with you, threatens to leave you or actually leaves you.

This is what makes you accept to be treated with no respect and makesyou submit to abuse. You toil to remain in a toxic relationship working heard to please your partner even if he keeps moving the cross lines and keeps shifting the goal post. You struggle to fit into a mould of standards that are way beyond the height and quality he himself can attain. He loads you with expectations most of which he cannot dare expect of himself. The effort to meet up with these expectations erode the expectations you had of him and of the relationship.

This is the sate of many women who have their lives all wrapped up around some individual in the name of love. They are no longer capable of independent thinking.

How can any woman living this way be productive? How can a woman enjoy her life? How can she be alive?

Life has been given to each of us to live. Therefore, you should not wake up and the first thing on your mind is the man in your life, what to do for him this morning, this afternoon, till the last thing at night before you sleep!

It is a curse!

Yes, you read me right.It is a curse from a scriptural perspective. Even if you do not believe in the Bible, take this seriously. You are not exempted because these things have a way of getting into the mainstream and defining us and our behaviours in a particular way. This concerns you too.

Being obsessed with someone with whom you are or desire to be in a relationship is a curse. It is bondage. Breath in, my love. Breath out, my love. Eat, my love. Drink, my love. You are offered a job, my love. You receive salary, my love. Laundry, my love. Sweeping, my love. Cooking, my love. You cannot even travel for medical treatment even if you could pick the medical bills with your income, my love…

You are spent on this your love. Na wa for you oooo!

Your love is there living his life!!! You are here living his life, most often, a thankless self sacrifice.

Someone is toasting you or you are in a relationship and he asks you a simple question, “what motivates you in life?” It may even be someone else asking you that question. If your answer is the loverboy or the cowboy in the next block, then you have missed it. You need upgrading, sharp sharp!

 Like i said, it is a curse.

Funny how we seek deliverance from other curses but bring this one upon ourselves. We even celebrate it.

I am talking especially to those who are Bible students and identify as Christians because most of them are the ones in this bondage.

The principles of a relationship as revealed to my understanding, as a new covenant christian, were established since Genesis 3:16. But many Christians will seek deliverance from what we refer to as the “Adam-ic curse”. I wonder how this part of the curse escapes our attention.

Three actors were cursed in the scripture below, the serpent, Eve and then Adam:

Genesis 3:14-19 (New King James Version)

14 So the Lord God said to the serpent:

“Because you have done this, You are cursed more than all cattle, and more than every beast of the field; On your belly you shall go, And you shall eat dust all the days of your life.

15 And I will put enmity
Between you and the woman,
And between your seed and her Seed;
He shall bruise your head
And you shall bruise His heel.”

16 To the woman He said:

“I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception;
In pain you shall bring forth children;
Your desire shall be [a]for your husband,
And he shall rule over you.”

17 Then to Adam He said, “Because you have heeded the voice of your wife, and have eaten from the tree of which I commanded you, saying, ‘You shall not eat of it’:

“Cursed is the ground for your sake;
In toil you shall eat of it
All the days of your life.
18 Both thorns and thistles it shall [b]bring forth for you,
And you shall eat the herb of the field.
19 In the sweat of your face you shall eat bread
Till you return to the ground,
For out of it you were taken;
For dust you are,
And to dust you shall return.”

Permit me to extract the curse placed upon Eve at this point.

Genesis 3:16 To the woman He said:

“I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception;
In pain you shall bring forth children;
Your desire shall be [a]for your husband,
And he shall rule over you.”

Here is what you have not been seeing as you read this part of the Bible. And therefore, you have not freed your self from it…


It is part of the curse. It is NOT a blessing!!!

As you break the curse from a great multiplication of sorrow and pain in conception and labour while bringing forth a child, so must you break the curse from the DESIRE for (a) your husband and his RULE over you. (Including your boyfriend ooooh!)

The Holy Spirit reveals to you the Terms and Reference of your relationship and marriage. But first things first, you must be free, delivered from the adamic curse.

John 8:36 (King James)
If the Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed.

Galatians 5:1(King James)
Stand fast therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free, and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage.

This is the new covenant. Your love life needs upgrading. You need upgrading.


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